New Goals…

~ Long post alert - continue at your own risk ~

I’ve been a bit awol lately… it started after the juice fast ended, and all the medical fun began (which I have some answers to, still waiting on others).  That was a great excuse to stop blogging and being accountable like I was before - an excuse I took.  I’m giving it back, as of now.

It’s time for an accountability comeback.  I’ve realized a few things recently and I have new goals.  Goals first:

  • Run a 5K by the end of this year.  Run the whole thing.  I will be walking some of the Turkey Trot, so I’m going to find another 5K to RUN at the end of December. I’ve been opposed to running my whole life (being top heavy = being slightly less than aerodynamic, also, I’m not a fan of whiplash), so I’m doing this simply to prove that I can.
  • Learn at least the basic steps to all ballroom dances.  Yes, ALL.  I don’t want to feel sorry for the guy I’m dancing with anymore.  Dancing is fun and I want to be good at it.
  • Sign up for and attend an acting class asap.  There’s a show coming up that I’m performing in, and I want to genuinely surprise people.  I thought for a long time that there were things I couldn’t do, singing/performance-wise, because of what  people told me and what I chose to believe.  It turns out, I was wrong about that (I’ve never been happier about being wrong!).  But, I will need help to get where I want to be.  No more excuses.  No more waiting for the “right time” to get going.  The “right time” doesn’t exist, so it isn’t coming - I have to create it.

Recent realizations:

  • I can trust myself more than I thought I could.  I knew there wasn’t anything medically wrong with me, and there’s not.  Hooray!  For the third time this year, I’m realizing that I’m not broken.  It still hasn’t sunk in (obviously, if I’m still surprised by the thought each time it pops up!), but I’m processing it.  I think.
  • Putting yourself on the shelf for nearly a decade destroys your confidence.  That’s just an FYI for ya.  As I’m going and doing the things I’ve wanted to do for a long time, I’m finding myself second-guessing every thought I have and every move I make… even in situations where, in theory, I wouldn’t be out of my mind to be relatively comfortable.  Feeling like a fish out of water and feeling like I’m not improving at things frustrates me no end… and that makes me want to binge.  Since I’m not bingeing anymore, I just want to cry… and that makes me  want to binge… vicious cycle, anyone?  I’ve got to build up some confidence.  It’s getting ridiculous.  As a teacher, I know/believe the best way to build confidence is to build competence - so I’m gonna work on that.  Here’s hoping competence kicks in quickly!
  • The juice fast was one of the best things I’ve ever done.  Top three decisions of my life, even.  It’s up there with calling off a wedding and starting my own business.  Interestingly enough, those are the three toughest things I’ve ever done.  Is it possible they’re related in some way???  (holds up sarcasm sign)
  • Food is awesome.  Seriously.  My entire relationship with food has changed for the better.  I’m eating mostly like a nutritarian, but I’m also trying to follow Geneen Roth’s Food Guidelines… and I’m loving it.  I’m not counting calories and I’m not starving and I’ve somehow lost an additional four pounds, which means I’ve lost 62 pounds total.  I’ll take it, happily!!!

So, I’m back.  Anyone out there training for a 5K that wants to be accountable with me, let me know!  I would be thrilled and grateful to have running buddies to check in with.  Onwards and upwards!!!